Leaving the House to Exercise will Kill You

I’m utterly sick and tired of hearing people whine and carry on about how exercising with the Wii, or Dance Dance Revolution is stopping our kids from getting outside and enjoying the great outdoors. Something has finally come along to motivate kids to exercise and have fun, and all some people can do is look at the negatives. I’m so sick of it I decided to come up with my purposefully ridiculous 14 reasons why leaving the house to exercise will kill you.

1. Sun exposure on little Johnny’s skin is more damaging than it is to adults, and might give him skin cancer.
2. Little Johnny might join a street gang while he’s playing. According to the National Youth Gang Survey Analysis, there were an estimated 25,000 gangs and more than 750,000 gang members active across the USA in 2004, up from 731,500 in 2002. Little Johnny might be 750,001 if you don’t keep him inside.
3. Little Johnny sees some other kids on a street corner and waves hello. Waving hello is the rival gang’s “sign”, and Little Johnny is shot.
4. While playing basketball on the local courts, Johnny is approached by some kids who try to hook him on heroin. Johnny is intrigued, takes a hit and has an overdose.
5. From a World Health Organization report in 2004, 1.2 million people worldwide each year are killed in car accidents. Don’t let little Johnny be one of them.
6. Unknown to his parents, little Johnny has a heart defect. While running around the baseball diamond at full speed Johnny collapses- his poor little heart can’t take it anymore.
7. Little Johnny and his friends decide to get a chocolate milk at the local corner store, but while there they unluckily disturb a robbery and are shot.
8. A local pedophile approaches little Johnny and asks if he wants some candy, Johnny thankfully refuses, since getting in the car would probably be worse than death.
9. A stray pit bull sees little Johnny round the corner and defends his territory, just like the gang members did, and the result is the same (no the dog doesn’t shoot him, Johnny dies!).
10. Asthma is a common condition these days, but Johnny accidentally forgets his inhaler, and while playing football with his friends in a newly cut grass field he has a major attack and suffocates.
11. Its a rainy day, but little Johnny’s parents tell him he should be outside getting some fresh air. Out on the soccer pitch a random bolt of lightning arcs from the heavens and fries poor little Johnny.
12. In a scene out of Lost, a commercial airliner plummets from the heavens and hits little Johnny as it tries to avoid houses by crashing into the local park.
13. A meteor from deep space zips through the atmosphere, and while only a tiny amount remains post entry, that little nugget traveling at a thousand miles per hour punctures Johnny’s skull and kills him.
14. If only the U.S. government had told Johnny’s parents that aliens were real, because if they had maybe he wouldn’t have been allowed outside and abducted and used in their hideous experiments.

Yes I’m getting just a little stupid now. I’ve been stupid the whole article, because you can die in at least another hundred ways no matter what you do. I’m being stupid because I’m trying to make a point:

If your kids are exercising, be happy. If they’re exercising inside, rather than outside, be happy- they’re actually exercising.

Here’s one last way your kids could die, but it won’t be as quick as my 14 reasons above- Its obesity related disease. From www.obesityinamerica.com, here’s a few things your kids can look forward to if you don’t promote or allow their indoor exercise:

• Type 2 (non-insulin dependent) diabetes
• Cardiovascular disease
• Stroke
• Hypertension
• hypothyroidism
• Dyslipidemia
• Hyperinsulinemia, insulin resistance, glucose intolerance
• Congestive heart failure
• Angina pectoris
• Cholecystitis
• Cholelithiasis
• Osteoarthritis
• Gout
• Fatty liver disease
• Sleep apnea and other respiratory problems
• Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)
• Fertility complications
• Pregnancy complications
• Psychological disorders
• Uric acid nephrolithiasis (kidney stones)
• Stress urinary incontinence
• Cancer of the kidney, endometrium, breast, colon and rectum, esophagus, prostate and gall bladder
• Death

Don’t forget the social discrimination that your children suffer as a result of their obesity. That’s not only bad for their minds, its bad for their bodies too. Social discrimination at school could create stress which may lead to other mental health issues down the road such as anxiety and depression.

Please parents, don’t tell off your kids, don’t even wish they were outside enjoying the fresh air- just be glad they’re doing something, and why not promote it? Check out my “Wii Workout Week” article series for ideas on how you and your kids can exercise together.

Still can’t stand the thought of your kids exercising indoors? How about you actually sit down and do some thinking about how you can get them out of the house and exercising? Henry Ford once said, “Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.”

Get thinking!